Poetry- 11-29-09

Bear with me this might be rough.

Observation

She walked by

     Serene and at ease

A well fed Sanyasin

     every need is met

Yet her money is not her wealth

     She looks above and beyond

her fixed on ulotimate reality

and not ever her cancer can take heaven away

Metaphors

Life is a wrestling match

you spend so much time preparing

when you'll only be tested a little while

you're always sizing up your opponent

always planning your next move

and once you take that chance,

if you've prepared enough

it'll work out

Two-Tone

In Silent Solidarity, you could see me black

A storm brewing beneath the surface

Yet in with and under a glorius gold

Benevolent, compasionate, and intricate

Always faithful

MIZZOU-RAH

 

Memory

There she was

beautiful as a winter sunrise

Soft brown skin, hiding her in the woods

Slender legs, cavorting along

She was in my sights, the golden sun fading

And I killed her

ended her monotonous life

A good opening day

 

Song of State

I sing of the State Wrestling Tournament

of 2008's apex and climax

of a brand new experience

a whirlwind of emotion

 

I sing of walking out in formation

among  other nervous fifty twos

Districts still fresh in our minds

praying for a chance to stand atop the podium

 

I sing of sweet victory and brutal defeat and brutal defeat

of twisting someons shoulder til it snaps

of winning a dog fight by any means

yet choking a under the friday night lights

 

I sing of a grandfather recently deceased

of burying him the day before districts

of using his memory for motivation

of his wishes of good luck before he died

 

wiki 5 20/20 - interesting evaluation. I found your discussion of his content fitting because it does touch on the need to analyze your audience and be thinking about what might appeal to them. However, I am pretty sure that mention of being "near the end of lIfe and having greater wisdom" was meant to compliment our grandparents not to scare them. Don't you think so? I don't know... as an ''older'' person myself, I didn't find that too inappropriate.

11-04-09 Entry 3- Pastor Clausing did a good job of making chapel look appealing to the grandparents as well as to us.  He looked well prepared and you could tell that he was by the way that he never used an verbal pauses.  Well i wouldn't say never, but he rarely used them.  His hand gestures were generally appropriately placed, if only a little over excessive.  Generally, they were placed where there was a point he felt necessary to emphasize an make precise.  His parallels were, for the most part, though provoking and insightful.

  There were a few things i thought he could have done better.  First off, he laughs way too sporadically.  Every few sentences were one liners to him.    They were semi distracting and i saw more people than just myself discussing it.  Second, he brought up cancer, and people dying from it among a group of elderly people.  NOt only elderly, but the grandparents of the students he usually preaches to.  Now, i'm not saying that it is completely out of line to preach about cancer to a group who quite possibly could have cancer patients among them, but i can say that i would've taken a different plan of attack, or rather, plan of preaching.

 

wiki 4 - 0/20 No post as of Oct. 30

wiki 3 - 0/20 - No post as of Oct. 23rd.

wiki 2 - 20/20 - good entry! I agree with you about him keeping the interest focused! It was a good presentation and a nice blend of student and teacher participation!

10-16-09 Entry Two- Coach kuhlmann and the seniors from the football team did chapel on thursday.  Coach kuhlmann did a good job at projecting his message thru three separate media; his voice, the powerpoint, and the enactment by we the seniors of the football team.  His message as interesting enough  to keep the thursday mid-morning funk from distracting the crowd to much.  He incorporated the seniors very well into his chapel message.  The idea was very well thought out and applied very well to the message.  However, one thing he did that somewhat irked me was he read off the power point a little too much.  He divulged into reading us the chapel every now and then as opposed to speaking it too us.  Overall, i think he did a pretty good job.  If i had to grade it, i would give it a nine out of ten.

 

wiki 1 17/20 - good start... try to hit 200words and a few more specifics. You aren't alone in your critique of Rev. Arle... and critiquing doesn't mean you hate the guy... it's okay. I quite agree with you!

10-8-09 entry one- Now, let me start off by saying that i don't want my entry to sound like a hate piece on pastor Arle.  Given his aged status, his soft tone and "remember when" references are to be expected.  However, he wasn't really one to inspire the masses or even stir us out of our mid-Monday Morning stupor.  He droned on in a single tone and didn't stay on one topic for more than a few sentences, or at most enough to tell a single story.  He didn't do much to keep the crowd interested and he didn't engage us with what he was saying.  As a matter of fact, i can't honestly say i remember what he said. 

 

Raven

By Cole Bagby

BANG!!!

            “Got another one,” Geddy muttered, as a bird hit the ground. His black lab Raven went chasing after a coyote the shot had disturbed.  “Don’t go too far Raven, we gotta go home soon pup,” he called after her.  He decided right there that if God gave him a choice of where to go after he died, he would choose to come right back where he was. 

Ethan “Geddy” Lee Davis was currently at his parent’s ranch in southern Wyoming.  Three hundred acres of hills and plains with the occasional outcropping of trees forming small, wildlife filled forests.  It was a mid-summer day and he’d made the three hour-drive from his home in Iowa with Raven to spend the day shooting birds and playing with his best friend.

It was times like these he thought about his brother and their time together in the military, and together in general.

Zakk had been the one who had given him just about everything he loved.  Five years before Zakk shipped out, when Zakk was seventeen and Geddy was thirteen, they went and saw their favorite band Rush, and Ethan was given the nick name Geddy after the lead singer Geddy Lee.  For his seventeenth birthday, he had gotten his shotgun from Zakk.  The night before Zakk shipped out, he brought home a black lab puppy for his kid brother who, after shipping out the next year, would be under his command as squad leader. 

Snapping back to reality, he saw another bird come flying towards the woods.  With only two shells left, Geddy considered the distance, then, with the precision of a soldier, brought the bird down.  Clearing the chamber, he decided he’d wreaked enough terror on birds for the day, he went to put his shot gun away when he heard a sound that stole away the warmth of the mid summer day.  Raven let out a yelp and came staggering out of the woods, her side covered in blood.

Frantically, Ethan tried to remember how long he had let Raven play unnoticed.  One minute, two maybe.  Sprinting towards his best friend, begging God all the while to spare her, he was drawn back to his only memory of being this afraid.  All of the sudden, he was back in Iraq.

            “Hey Geddy, what happened to that girl you wrote about, Alexis?” Geddy heard Zakk ask from somewhere farther back in the convoy.  They were out on patrol, Geddy on point as the low man of the squad was apt to be.

            “She didn’t like Raven.  Said I spent too much time talking about and playing with my dog, not enough time listening to her and taking her places,” he answered.

He knew Zakk was pleased to hear that, even if he couldn’t see him and probably wouldn’t have seen it on his face if he could see Zakk.  It had been one of the last things he had said to Geddy before he left that he should take care of Raven so she was nice and healthy when Zakk got back.

            “I wondered if giving you that puppy would stunt your social life,” Zakk replied, letting out a small laugh.  “Doesn’t seem you mind too much.”

            “That dog’s the best part of my life.  ‘Cept the corps,” he added hastily to a chorus of OOH RAHs.  “Man, I can’t wait to get home and see her.  She’s gotten about yay high off the ground,” lowering his hand to his hip to show where Raven’s head was.  Turning he told his brother about how she could put her paws on his shoulder and lick his face.  Zakk let out a bigger laugh then the one before, along with the rest of the soldiers in the squad.  All of the sudden, Zakk went from laughing to charging Geddy, leveling him with a tackle that would’ve made an NFL football coach proud.

Before he could ask why he’d just gotten decleated, Geddy heard gun fire and rolled over to begin to fight back.  His back was a little stiff from getting dropped, and he felt something warm run down his shoulder.

            “Holy hell, have I been shot?” Geddy asked his brother, who was laying right next to him firing away.

            “You haven’t,” gasped Zakk.  Looking over, Geddy almost shouted.  His brother had been shot in the lower neck and was loosing blood rapidly.  Geddy’s first thoughts were to get his brother to safety, but being as they were pinned down, he knew he didn’t have time.

            “Zakk, what the hell are you doing, get some pressure on your neck!” Geddy screamed over the clatter of gunfire and the report of grenades.  Zakk heard, obliged, and Geddy went back to taking down insurgents.  After the longest ten minutes of his life, he looked back over to check on Zakk, only to see he was almost gone.

            “MEDIC, MEDIC, MEDIC!” He bellowed it over and over again until the squad medic came running over, going immediately to work.  The medic stabilized Zakk momentarily, and turned to Geddy with a sad look on his face.

            “I don’t want to sound calloused, but you don’t have much time to talk to him,” the medic half gasped to Geddy. 

            “Thank you…for doing what you could,” Geddy managed.  Turning to Zakk, he actually discovered his older brother was smiling at him.  He managed to dig out a smile and wear it for what he knew would be the last time he talked to his brother.

            “What you crying for Geddy Lee?  You’d think I was dying,” Zakk quipped.  Geddy let out a small laugh.  Bittersweet laughter.  “Listen, I know I’m in bad shape, so I want you to have all my junk back home.  Tell everybody I died well, serving my country.  And most importantly... take care of Raven, and let her know I wish I could’ve seen her again.” And with that, Zakk died and Geddy was brought back to reality.

Raven had lain down in front of Geddy and was staring up at him.  This beautiful creature, more than a dog and more dear to him than most humans, dying, like his brother, from what Geddy considered his fault, a lapse in his concentration.  Geddy though about what his brother had said, about wanting to see Raven again, and sadly thought that Zakk was about to get his chance.

Geddy reached down to pet Raven one last time.  Reminiscing about their time together, he was startled when he felt something slide off her coat.

            “The hell is this? A feather?” Then it hit him, just like the bird had hit Raven.  The last bird he shot had been flying towards the woods where Raven had chased the coyote.  The bird must’ve hit Raven when it fell.  He grabbed a water bottle and sure enough, as soon as he washed the blood away, found no cuts anywhere on Raven. 

Shocked, laughing at his fortune, crying from the shock at almost losing his dog, his last link to his older brother, Geddy picked Raven up and carried her to his truck.  After stowing her away in her kennel in the trunk of his Tahoe, he took one last look around his little slice of heaven.

            “Well Zakk, it looks like your gonna have to wait a while longer to meet Raven.  I’m sure you won’t mind,” Geddy spoke to the sky, all the while thanking God for sparing his dog.  Then, turning to go home, he took Raven out of her kennel.  “Come on pup, you’re gonna ride up front with me.”

 

 

How do i post my short story?  The page won't let me right click and paste.

 

Week Five

wiki 5 - Great job on your list! Hey, just a reminder... don't merely summarize on the wiki.. but do a "reaction" to what you read.. that means it should contain words like "I think" or "This made me think that...." - otherwise you are just retelling plot!

Entry two-  THe old cliche "what goes around comes around" isn't really fullfilled in the story, "the new kid." However, the flip side of that, "what comes around goes around" was somewhat proven.  THe main character is pushed around and not allowed to play in the street baseball game with the guys he thought were his friends.  Then, to even up the teams, he enlists "the new kid."  Even tho our protagonist know's how it feels to be picked on for his lack of talent, and even tho the new kid does'nt join in making fun of him, as soon as the new kid makes a bad play, the main character rips into him like you wouldn't believe.  The new kid decides to retaliate, leading the guys to start antagonising both weaklings into a fight.  The main character thouroughly whoops the new kid, and then exits the story thinking, man, the guys must like me now.

9-19-09 Entry On- My bucket list. 1. To start a safe haven for dogs. 2. To raise an state champion wrestler. 3. To be a state champion wrestler. 4. To raise an all state running back. 5. To be an all state running back. 6. To play in a college football game. 7. To visit Greece. 8. To visit Rome.  9. To own a boat.  10. To take a boat ride with T-Pain and Adam Sandberg.

Week Four

 

9-10-09- Entry two- Deal gave his short story the title "Antaeus" because TJ was also one who got his strength and purpose from the earth.  He was a southern gentleman in training, a stand up kinda guy who willed other people into following just by the way he acted.  He was humble, like Antaeus, and he was assertive, like antaeus.  Also, he died in a sense for the earth.  And he was "killed" by someone who had the same level of power over him as herculese.  What can young boy do against a buisiness man who wants to call the cops on him?  What i was confused over was why he started walking towards the south.  IT makes sense that he wanted to go home, but after showing up the buisiness men by destroying what he had worked so hard to created, you would think he would want to revel in the glory of it.  I guess it just left a bad taste in his mouth towards the north.

 

9-10-09- Entry one-  The fuss made over people not wanting to have Obama speak to school children was largely misdirected.  Most people that i talked to that didn't want the speech to be read were more pissed off about the "suggested curriculum" that came with the speech.  Also, it was ironic that the liberal media jumped down the concerned parents throat when what the later group was speaking against was something the government was trying to sponsor.  Somewhat of a change of reversal of the roles.  In other words, i got a laugh out of how presumably conservative parents were saying that listening to Obama and doing his "suggested" curriculumm was bad, and the liberal Obama fan club was saying that we should let the government control what we teach in our schools and the like.  Now, Obama's speech wasn't directly political, but it did have long reaching implications.  Hopefully, Obama will have touched enough urban youth to make a difference so they'll stop being a black hole on our economy.  Who knows.

 

Week Three

Great job on wiki 3!

9-3-09 Entry two-  I caught on what Bradburry wanted the main character Stendahl to do early on in the story.  After he "killed" the robot of the inspector, i knew he was going to kill again...and again and again.  Another great hint is that some of the names he lists off for the party he throws are people he lists earlier as prosecutors of the works of fantasy literature.  So, being the slightly deranged yet undeniably genious person he is, Stendahl is portrayed as all to able to pull off such a nefarious plot.  Then, once people's "replicas" started dying, i realized that he was going to have them all leave and not take any heat for the thirty some odd murders he commited, or by creation, led something else to commit.  If they have psych wards on mars, this dude really needs to check himself into one.

 

9-2-09 Entry one- This story strikes me more as horror than sci-fi.  To be honest, there isn't a whole lot of reference to the fact that it's not based on present day Earth accept for the fact he mentions on Mars a time or two.  And as far as making it horror, i don't know too many people not scared by the thought of a guy inviting a bunch of people to his house, killing them in fashions depicted by his long dead icon, then producing robots of them to make it a cover for him.  Further, since Bradburry makes him out to be the anti-hero, you kind of hope he succeeds.  Also, in a sick way, you almost have to respect the genious of his plot and the irony that all these people died in ways they could've predicted and prevented had they cracked the binding on some classic horror literature.  It seems this time lack of curiosity killed the cat.

 

Week two

Great work on wiki 2! I LIKE the story idea! Do your best to keep the timeline compressed... maybe use flashbacks to the war rather than have to tell TWO stories in detail... perhaps start with the dog's arrival on the porch and have this trigger the first flashback... or something equally interesting. It is very easy for a short story to grow to an unmaneagable size if you aren't careful!

8-27-09 Entry two-

And now for another update on the story.  Ranch in montanna was not the soldiers' home as kids, just a place there parents would take them as children, adding to the nostalgia of the place.  The two brothers, who end up in the same platoon, go thru the original invasion of Iraq together and make it thru a couple of key battles.  Then, when they are weeks from getting home, they get ambushed on a routine patrol and are caught in a crossfire.  The younger brother, who survives and goes home, does something stupid and his brother has to lay down his life to save him, leaving the surviving brother with a sense of guilt that stays with him.  This adds to the panic he feels when his dog, given to him by his older brother, comes back bloody, causing him to think he let the last part of his brother die.

 

8-27-09 Entry one- Is what Mike did right or wrong?

Due to my computer messing up, i had to type in the question on my own.  Anyways, i don't think what mike did was all that wrong, if at all.  While in truth, he did lie to his grandma, and it may have been because he was too embarassed to tell her she had her husband and grandson mixed up, he took the more noble path.  Having personally dealt with a grandparent that was loosing touch with reality, i can relate to how awkward and, at times, painful it can be to be in his situation.  By letting his grandma believe he was her husband, he helped her come to peace with a mistake she made as a young woman.  She may have realised she was getting close to death and wanted to leave behind no regrets or unsettled disputes.  My grandpa did the same thing in the months before he died.  So mike over all was in the right.

 

Week one

 

8/19/09 Entry two- To Mrs. Staude, i have to say i like all the in class activities we do.  Usually lit class is the most boring forty five minutes of the day, and for fun activities we have to write something as a group. Emphasis on the have to part, not really the fun. So far, English Symposium has been a pretty good time.  Even better, the stories have been pretty easy to read, which is always a plus.  It helps with participating in the class activity since you don't have to have a harvard lit degree to read it.  If at all possible, it'd be cool to keep class the way it is.

 

8/19/09 Entry one- So for an update on my short story, i have a plot, protagonist, and twist.  The main character is a war vet and younger brother of a brave soldier who died for this country.  The former is sitting on his Montanna ranch, with a rifle shooting cans and targets for fun.  HIs dog, who his brother bought for him for his eighteenth birthday right before he shipped off. , comes running up to him with blood all over his side.  He has a flash back to iraq where,, as luck would have it, he ends up in the same squad as his brother, who, after a series of events, dies in the youngerbrothers arms.  Flashing back to the present, he is freaking out because he is loosing his last link to his brother, when he see's that his dog had just rolled in some road kill.  Stilll working on the series of events and the details of the ranch, before and after flash back.

Good job on wk.1 - your story angle sounds interesting... I look forward to reading it. Glad to hear you're enjoying the class, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by how it all goes. Most folks are.